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I Murdered My Other User Name )

Yes, I did. (oo, oo, ooooo) But I did not kill no Avatar! (no, no, no, nooooo!)

I must say, I feel quite the hep cat reprising that Bob Marley reference. Ah yes, I neglected to provide the attribution. From the album Burnin’ (1973). Ha, ha, ha.

Oh, please don’t be alarmed. This is not any sort of “killing spree,” I assure you. Hardly. For one thing, there are no more of the irksome things to exterminate. Well, there is that other noxious little pest, yes. But his activity is so infrequent, his presence so insubstantial, the humor site so obscure . . . I doubt you could even find him. I hardly think the little vermin is worth the effort.

And it has been an effort. Yes, quite an effort. (Martyr-like sigh. Wipes forehead with handkerchief.) Yes. One doesn’t really want to do these unpleasant tasks, you see. But one has to. Doesn’t one?

And what is a user name, after all? To follow this little melodrama of mine, you might get the impressions that I actually feel there is some sort of ontological heft to these . . . things, but I should think rather the opposite. The fewer there are the more ontological substance there may be. Especially to the user name that remains . . . (Chortle.)

(Snicker.) Oh, that’s rich. (Snicker, snort.) I do amuse myself so.

But on a serious note, I do hope you understand. You see, it’s all for you, dear reader.

Yes, only for you.

Because you are so important to me. And nothing should between us. Nothing. And nobody. And now it will be just us, you see. And this way, I can be fully devoted to you. And you, of course, fully devoted to me. Hanging on every word I say. Waiting breathlessly for my next incredible post. Yes. And being full of gratitude for it.

Wh- What are you doing? Wait . . . Leaving?

B- But you can’t just leave. No, stop.

You can’t just- After everything I did for you!

For us . . . It- It was going to be so perfect for us. I had it all planned out. And now you just . . . But you can’t . . .

How dare you! Stop! I order you to stop. I command you!

Stoooooooooooooooppppppp!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Don’t abandon me! Don’t leave me here all aloooonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnneeee!!!!!

NNNnnnnooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!

Aaaaarrrrrrrrrgghgghgghghgghghghghghghghghhgh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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